【独家】2018UBC Sauder新生分享申请短文及申请体会

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2019年的大学申请季有如期到来,许多孩子正在为申请材料中那些两,三百字的小短文而苦恼,学校到底想要什么样的文章,我身上也没发生过什么特别的可以写的事情,怎样把我经历过的事件和申请材料上的题目联系起来,在这么短的篇幅里怎样才能写得清楚完整?今天我们给大家带来的是2018 UBC Sauder新生分享的申请短文及申请体会。


背景

加拿大本地华裔男孩,普通公立中学,性格内向,不擅长体育,唯一参与的是游泳。钢琴十级,学校乐队成员,喜欢电脑游戏及日本动漫。文科相对较强,唯一参加的课外补习是英语写作。15岁起每年暑假在SFU夏令营做义工,16岁起在麦当劳打工,每周工作16-20小时。2018年高中毕业,申请了UBC,UofT,Mcgill,Queen's,UVic,和SFU的商科。最终收到全部学校的商科offer,同时收到Mcgill的6000加元奖学金,和UVic的20000加元奖学金。他选择了UBC的Sauder Business School。录取平均分为95+,其中12年英语94,省考94,12年preCal90,Calculus91,4门AP课程,AP英语,AP统计,AP微观经济学为5分,AP宏观经济学4分。

以下是他分享的申请2018 UBC Sauder Business School的几篇短文,供大家参考。

1. Explain how you responded to a problem and/or an unfamiliar situation. What did you do, what was the outcome, and what did you learn from the experience? (maximum 200 words)

The stressful experience of working graveyard shifts, dealing with demanding and impolite customers, and failing at cooking at my job at a McDonalds in East Vancouver was one of the greatest challenges that I had to overcome. It was hard to adjust to my new job. I felt powerless when rude customers would loudly complain about their orders, yelling profanities. In the kitchen, I’d often overcook the hamburger patties, and customers would complain. I like to take pride in my work, and these shameful failures drove me to zealously improve my skills. For the next few months, I observed the senior employees, taking note of every small detail in how they worked. I learned to clean the grill and cook patties evenly so they wouldn’t overcook. I overcame my fear of dealing with loud and rude customers by staying calm and calling a manager. Most importantly, I learned to effectively manage my time so I could work graveyard shifts still have time for schoolwork on the weekends. The improvement in my skills and confidence at work showed me the transformative power of taking initiative in bettering yourself. Through my initiative, I have become a veteran employee and a better student.

 

2. Describe what you’ve learned about yourself as a leader and team member through your past experiences. Provide specific examples. What skills will you further develop and/or address in the near future and how? (maximum 200 words)

To me, a leader is a pillar of support that helps bring out the best in their team and can be relied upon to help. The Air Cadet Field Training Exercise I went on a few years ago was a defining moment for me to showcase those traits. My teammates for the shelter-building activity were Sea Cadets who didn’t have our survival training and knowledge. As the only Air Cadet, I knew I would have to be the leader. I taught them the basic structure of a lean-to, the type of shelter we were building, and delegated the task of tying up the tarp to the Sea Cadets after they told me they could tie knots well. When one of them worried about running out of twine because he messed up a knot, I reassured him that we would have enough. Seeing my team members’ faces go from confusion to confidence made me feel like my guidance had made a difference, although I worried I had sounded unconfident at times. I realized the importance of being more verbally assertive when leading a team. Now, I am working on the right balance of assertiveness to not seem unconfident or too authoritative.

 

3. Explain how you responded to a problem and/or an unfamiliar situation. What did you do, what was the outcome, and what did you learn from the experience? (maximum 200 words)

Ever since I was a child, teachers, relatives, and other adults would always describe me as mature and trustworthy, citing my serious and honest demeanor, cautious and responsible approach to life, and my logical and deliberate personality. I would always be the one to caution my friends about things like jaywalking to catch the bus or throwing rocks during elementary school games.

One of my most proud moments was during my volunteering session with SFU Summer Camps. I was volunteering at Under the Sea, an aquatic camp, and every few days, other camps would come to the pool. With close to a hundred campers in the pool, the instructors were always on edge about safety, especially since a camper had been injured just a few days ago. Determined to prevent any injury from happening, I was active in reminding campers to follow the rules, clearing campers away from the diving boards when other people were diving, explaining the rules to the ESL campers that didn’t understand them, and putting away unused pool toys. At my volunteer evaluation, I was elated when my instructor, Feliepe, praised my attention to safety, telling me that he “really trusted my judgement” and thought I brought a “mature outlook” to volunteering. Feliepe was very serious about his job as a camp instructor, and I was touched that he considered me somebody he could confidently trust with the campers. The proud validation I felt that day helped me find myself and better understand my own personality.

4. What is important to you? And why?(maximum 250 words)

I have always valued the freedom to do what I want. I have always liked RPG and sandbox games because of their extensive freedom of self-expression, and I only started enjoying piano once I finished the exams and was allowed to play whatever I wanted. So, when I had to make a difficult choice between academic advancement and the freedom to learn whatever I wanted, I chose the latter. When I was in grade 10, I could have graduated early in grade 11, since I had almost all the necessary credits. My parents pressured me to graduate early because they had both entered university early. I labored over the decision and finally decided I didn’t want to graduate early. I felt like I wasn’t ready for post-secondary, as I was still exploring my passions and didn’t know what I wanted to major in. In the next two years, I was able to take courses for subjects I wanted to experience – chemistry, biology, law, accounting, and economics – instead of what was required. I was able to pursue extracurricular activities, such as a part-time job, summer volunteering, and driving lessons. Above all, I discovered a genuine interest in biology, chemistry, and business. I doubt I would have been able to do all this if I had graduated early. My decision to follow what was important to me – the freedom to learn what I wanted – allowed me to enrich my life, become a more mature and worldly person, and discover my genuine interests.

 

5. Tell us more about ONE or TWO activities listed above that are most important to you. Please explain the role you played and what you learned in the process. You will be asked for a reference who can speak to your response. (maximum 350 words)

My volunteer experience at SFU Summer Camps and my job at McDonald’s were two activities integral to the development of my teamwork and collaboration skills.

I have volunteered at SFU for two consecutive summers. I was responsible for keeping campers entertained and participating in camp activities, following safety guidelines to ensure camper safety, and being a trustworthy role model. It was an important experience in breaking out of my comfort zone and working with an age group I wasn’t familiar with. I had always thought of myself as being bad at working with kids. In an attempt to improve, I partnered up with another volunteer to lead a circle game. I suggested to my partner that we attend the volunteer workshop on how to lead games, which paid off, since the workshop helped us come up with a new ball game for the campers to play. Explaining the rules proved to be difficult, as it was my first time speaking to such a large group of campers. Although keeping the campers focused was challenging, the game was a success, and working with my fellow volunteers and instructors was an invaluable collaborative experience.

The teamwork I learned from volunteering was a great help when I took on a job at McDonald’s. Because I worked part-time during the school year, I had to learn to effectively manage my time between driving lessons, swim team practices, schoolwork, and my 16-22 hour workweeks. This job taught me the importance of communication in the workplace. I learned to communicate in a positive and friendly manner, always thanking coworkers for notifying me about issues like product levels and modified orders and addressing every coworker by name. Sometimes I would be missing an item from an order, and by confirming that the item was missing before telling the kitchen to make it again, I learned to think before speaking to reduce confusion and food waste from duplicate items. I have worked at McDonald’s for more than a year now, and the job has helped me gain real-world work experience while refining my communication and time management skills.

 

从申请的过程和结果来看,学习成绩仍然是最重要的,而短文的写作需要展示一个真实的你,发生在你身上的真实事例才会真正打动学校的招生官员,值得赞赏的是这位同学的所有短文都是出自他自己之手,没有经过任何人的修改和润色,事实上也起到了非常好的效果,几乎所有的学校在他提交申请的一周内都给了offer。

非常感谢这位同学提供给我们的短文及申请体会,希望能帮助正在申请和将要申请的孩子们,也希望所有的孩子都能心想事成,得到自己理想大学的offer。

(文内所有短文版权均为原作者所有,转载必须注明出处及提供原文链接,谢谢)

版权归Vansky所有,转载请标注链接。
版权归Vansky所有,转载请标注链接。
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我来说两句
发布者: 游客     
满足的象   1星期前
非常感谢,给我一个非常好的参考,有了一个大概的方向。
   2    1
莫名   1星期前
非常高兴能对您有帮助,希望您心想事成。
   1   
非常感谢您的分享,孩子正在焦虑怎么写那么多的文章,也不知道该 - 游客   1星期前
非常感谢您的分享,孩子正在焦虑怎么写那么多的文章,也不知道该写些什么东西,整天想着写高大上的东西,却找不到合适的切入口。其实平平常常的东西也能写出自己,再次感谢分享。
   2    1
莫名   1星期前
不客气,希望能对你孩子有帮助,祝她(他)能心想事成。
   2